The Sun newspaper in England is reporting this morning that Madonna plans to ask her British pal, actor Rupert Everett, to be godfather to her sort-of adopted son David. Setting aside the international furor over David’s bungled adoption, which has caused Madonna to schedule an Oprah appearance to explain everything, the choice of Everett is misguided.

I wrote last month about Everett’s idea for a celebrity sperm bank, which I felt was a terrible idea, as did one other person who commented on my post. With Everett being at the center of a such a firestorm of controversy over celebrity sperm banks, can he be trusted as the godfather of a boy who is now one of the biggest celebrity babies of all time? I don’t think so.

As I mentioned in my post about Everett’s idea, it showed a complete lack of understanding about what it means to be a celebrity baby. A celebrity baby is not just sperm and eggs. A celebrity baby is an event. A celebrity baby is a wacky name. A celebrity baby is a registry at Petit Tresor, (even if it didn’t work too well for Britney Spears).

Madonna needs to rethink this one. I’m sure her buddy Everett is a nice person deep down, but when it comes to celebrity babies, he is seriously misguided. And the role of godfather to little David Banda is just too important, and too high-profile, to be left to an amateur. It’s really a job for Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise.

 

 

 

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Technorati Tags: celebrity baby names, baby names, Madonna baby , David Banda, Celebrity Sperm Bank, Rupert Everett, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Britney Spears

I was unnerved to read on the Starpulse News Blog that British actor Rupert Everett (My Best Friend’s Wedding) is pitching the idea of a celebrity sperm bank. According to the story, Everett is convinced that the sperm of such luminaries as Brad Pitt, or the eggs of Angelina Jolie, could be sold for big dollars. I’m sure they could. We live in interesting times. But think of the consequences. And I don’t just mean lots of little Tom Cruises running around.

Pardon the pun, but this idea is likely to sow the seeds of considerable confusion when it comes to naming the “celebrity” offspring.

Is the offspring from a celebrity sperm bank truly a “celebrity baby?” Not really. A celebrity baby is more than just Hollywood sperm and eggs. It’s an event. It’s a baby registry at Petit Tresor. It’s when speculation about the baby’s name bumps news about the war in Iraq. It’s renting small African nations for a private maternity zone. It’s the cover of Vanity Fair magazine.

Most important, what possible name could the new parents bestow upon this half-famous, half-unknown infant? The hallmark of a celebrity baby is its wacky name. You’re not a total celebrity baby unless you’re called something like Shiloh, or Suri, or Moxie Crimefighter. But the offspring from a celebrity sperm bank can scarcely be named Bluebell Madonna or Jonas Rocket. They will have to grow up someplace like Cleveland, Ohio, not Beverly Hills. Think of the confusion this will create deep in the psyche of the poor child. To have the blood of Tom Cruise coursing through your veins, but to be named Bud? Or to have the genetic gifts of Paris Hilton, only to be named Linda? We’re talking serious therapy by the age of 9 at the latest.

So no, Mr. Everett. We all understand your desire to make a buck. And no doubt you think you’ve had the Big Idea. But it’s not going to fly. The world is confused enough. And we certainly don’t need a new breed of  “half-celebrities” with boring names growing up in Arkansas.

 Rupert Everett

 

 

 

 

 

Photograph by Photorazzi

 

Technorati Tags: celebrity baby names, baby names, celebrity sperm bank, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise, Hollywood, Rupert Everett

Posted on September 19th 2006 and posted to ODDS AND ENDS, Rupert Everett, CELEBRITY BABY NAMES | Comments(4)