Another dry day in the celebrity maternity ward, unless you’re blogging about the “celebrity” birth involving the wife of the second assistant grip on The Governator. (Actually, from what I’ve heard, the second assistant grip may be more worthy of news coverage than the movie itself, which was described on About.com as “essentially a B-movie driven by an absurd plot and punctuated by campy, simplistic dialogue dumbed down for the multiplex hordes”. Sounds like a political ad from the recent campaign.) But I digress.

So it’s a slow day for celebrity babies. What am I going to write about?

I keep my newsfeeds in MyYahoo!, because I’m not that technical, and like Shwarzenegger’s new movie, MyYahoo! is dumbed down for the masses. Here are some highlights, direct from my very own newsfeed, which I will share with you now because I don’t have anything about celebrity babies to write about today, and I don’t want to disappoint.

Madonna and the adoption: Leave her alone. Who thinks that for a single second, little David would choose to grow up in an orphanage in Malawi over a pampered life in London. Everyone who’s giving her a hard time should grow up.

Anna Nicole Smith and the paternity suit: According to Contact Music the attorney for Smith’s ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead claimed that the California courts have jurisdiction in the dispute because “before moving to the Bahamas this year, the former Playboy Playmate lived, worked and had a sexual relationship in California.” Thanks for sharing that bit — we would never have guessed.

Sofia Coppola: the director is expecting a daughter this winter, and she and her French husband are nesting in a new apartment in Paris to make sure the little bundle of joy is born a European. Cute. But I thought that since Daddy is French, it would have just required a couple of forms, wherever the baby was born.

Gwyneth Paltrow: the actress will be singing, or at least humming, in her new Estee Lauder TV commercial. (And I thought I had nothing exciting to write about!).

Lohan 2: Can you stand it? Ali Lohan, younger sister of the party animal herself, is releasing her debut album on November 21. StarPulse News Blog describes it as “a holiday-themed record that celebrates her love of the Christmas season.” Pass the barf bag.

Britney and Federline: Brit is off to Miami, to continue working on her next album, while Kevin is slumming around the U.S. under the guise of touring for his album “Playing with Fire.” He packed the house in Chicago, by giving away the tickets for free. Has anyone seen the baby? What was his name again? When is the state going to step in and take custody of the kids?

Dylan: On Broadway? C’mon Bob, there’s such a thing as straying too far from your roots! The musical bombed after less than 30 shows, so most of us will never get to see it. Critics apparently dug the music (and why not?) — it was the cooked up, slapped on top, storyline that didn’t work. What a surprise.

And last but not least — Reese Witherspoon has filed for divorce from Ryan Phillippe, who claims he didn’t do any of the lowlife things she has accused him of. Indeed. And Charlie Sheen is really just misunderstood. Not to mention Keith Urban. And did I mention K-Fed? Did I need to?
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